Discipleship is not a program

I'm not really sure when I got my first glimpse of "community."  I mean, besides that of my own family, I lived in a missionary community that was fantastic.  I had "aunts" and "uncles" galore, one nurse aunt in particular that took me under her wing when I was a teenager, had tea with me.  My mom always said it was important to have more than just your parents telling you the same thing.  I had so many people who loved me, I don't think I could count them all.  I took it for granted that children grew up with a whole sideline full of cheerleaders.  I know some people who are desperate for a kind word from just one person.

Then we made community happen as newlyweds, and God put the most incredible people in our path as we watched them discipline their little children, love each other, reach out to those around them.  I have had the opportunity to watch the most incredible mothers in action.  I remember one friend going to another younger friend's house to help her learn how to train her struggling little girl.  "Help," meaning, showing her exactly how to train her as they walked through a disobedience issue right there.  Talk about hands-on.  Talk about vulnerable!

It was during this time that I most missed having my own parents around, as they still served overseas.  They were grandpa and grandma to a whole host of missionary children.  And God put a whole host of grandpas and grandmas into our lives, just when our children needed them.  I remember Hannah holding up eight fingers one day, "Mom!  I have EIGHT grandmas!"  And none of them was her actual grandma. :)  

I watched my parents live in authentic relationship with others without comparing or being critical.  I heard my mom tell dozens of other mothers what a great job they were doing.  What a gift to me!  There was a complete lack of competition in her friendships.  I thought about it the other day--

Competition kills community.

 I have seen it in my own life and watched it in the lives of others.  Competition is all about ME.  How do I measure up, how do I look better than you.  Or how can I grasp at looking as good as I think other people think of you?  How can I strive to be YOU, when I am not you.  Instead of doing my own work excellently, I try and do YOUR work excellently.  And I miss my own work, and the point, entirely.  

We are all one body!  Truly, how can the eye look at the foot and say 'I don't need you'?  Or vice versa?  Has God not put all the parts of the body together to work in unison?  Shouldn't we be amazed at the role and placement and design of the other parts of the body?  I am amazed.  I could never live the life that you live.  I was not called to your life.  I am set free to love you and pray for you and appreciate you when I focus on stewarding my own life well.  And I am set free from judging the job you are doing--to your own Master you will stand or fall, and God is able to make you stand! (Rom.14:4).  And I pray that you do!

When my joy and assurance is waiting for your approval, I am no longer at peace with my Maker.  He alone knows what my life should look like.  He alone knows what secret things I have to be obedient to that are not outwardly apparent.  

When the kids were little and we would have people over, I struggled with having the house picked up.  But it dawned on me one day, that as much as I want to honor my guests, in reality I could spend all day getting it in perfect shape and miss out on time with my children.  And people will come in and compliment your clean house and wonder how you do it all, but they will not come in and see your disaster of a house and compliment you on spending time with your children!  And that is not a license for laziness, but an appeal to always be asking God to search our hearts and doing things for the right reasons.  

Community means that we act like members of one another, because that is what we are.  Community, discipleship is not a program.  It is not meant to happen in a vacuum.  It happens naturally as we dig into each other's lives.  It is meant to be a natural outflow of, "I love watching you! You look like Jesus, and I want to look like Him too!  Show me how practically."  I have many people in my life to imitate.  One, who recently said to me, "As I always tell my children, until your last breath you can look people in the eye, and smile, and be kind."  That kind of wisdom can keep me thinking for a long time! :)  

Mopping the floors last week, Jake was playing Seeds Family Worship and commented, "Isn't it amazing that Paul could say that?"  

"Whatever you have learned or received, or heard from me, or seen in me--do these things." (Phil. 4:9)  Yes, truly amazing.  It should be commonplace, but I for one have some reservations about saying that.  Which should be a big red flag!  Maybe there are any number of things in my life not worth copying.  Discipleship says "Follow me!"  Wholeheartedly.  And invites correction when something is not worth imitating.

When we find the freedom that comes from peace with God as our Creator, accepting who He made us to be, we can rejoice and celebrate one another in deeper ways.  We no longer have to boast in what we have and do, for that "wisdom" is from the world.  (I Jn. 2:16)  But "the man who does the will of God will live forever," and that includes recognizing that "everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory" (Rom. 11:36) and not for mine.

My friend and I sat on the porch and asked for brutal constructive criticism.  "How do I look as a wife?  How am I doing as a mom?"  And kindly, ever so gently, shared with one another.  "Sometimes this one child is unkind, maybe just in small ways, and you don't see it."  "Sometimes you are disrespectful to your husband in this small, but important way." 

Ouch.  

Oh, blessed pain.  

We had a discussion like this about ten years ago and it bore much fruit in my life and the life of one of my children whose disobedience I had completely been oblivious to.  It is not easy to speak those words, and rarely does anyone ask for them.  But we need each other.  We are members of one another.  I am for you!  I am for your children, and I love them deeply, which is the only reason I will speak those words.  And I want to hear your words to me more than flattery, as that is infinitely more instructive and useful and fruit-producing.  

Now if I could always hear my husband in that same way.  And my children.  But I long to!

Psalm 139:24 asks God to see if there is any offensive way in me.  As my sister or brother in Christ, can you also help me see those offensive ways in me that I am most likely blinded to or making excuses for?  

Next time you see me irritated or unkind or gossipy or rude, please call me on it.  I might not like it, but I want it.  And I need it, desperately!

"Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!" Ps. 34:3